Dearest Friends,
I don't know how many times I've started this letter and hoped
to finish it to send salutations and situational updates...but alas, here we
are again. Square one.
The past two and a half years I spent preparing for many
adventures in Africa, partnering under the leadership of Heidi and Rolland
Baker of Iris Ministries, learning about love in action, serving the poorest of
the poor, and having every box of western mentality, theology, [insert box
title here] shattered...leaving me a twenty- something single woman hungry to see others know of the beautiful world and faces that exist
outside of our current locations. Upon my return from Mozambique, I knew my
season was changing, I thought I knew to what, I was certain my 9 months as a
personal assistant would have taught me something in planning and scheduling my
own life...But, my life, has changed and
is continuing to change and the season is definitely new.
In
October I laid out my list of "plans," ideas, ministry opportunities.
I spoke of the wind blowing where it wishes. I mean certainly I had already
walked through that...Haha...little did I now that I was speaking truth over
my even more so "current" season. When we think we "know"
God and what He is doing, it's usually in those moments where He chuckles at
our "knowledge" and says, "Oh yeah? Watch this..." It's not
that He wants to prove us wrong, but what I am beginning to see is that He
actually wants to teach us MORE and show us deeper, richer truths of who He is,
how His nature is, and how MUCH He is dreaming bigger dreams for us. In the
process of rediscovering HIM it is there that we are able to see who we are,
see our true nature in Him, and begin to fathom the more that He has for
us.
Living in the Vine
There
was one night this past October, I attended a conference in Los Angeles, the
minister preaching: a dear friend and fiery missionary mother- in-faith, spoke
on John 15--you know, the chapter about abiding, being a branch on the Vine,
bearing fruit? I was struck by 15:2 "Every branch in me that does not
bear fruit He takes away, and every branch in me that bears fruit He prunes
that it may bear more fruit." I have lived in John 15 and meditated on
it for nearly four years now, but most of the time I've meditated particularly
on abiding, and not doing things apart from Christ, or even the fruit which
comes from abiding (asking anything you wish etc.) Maybe it is just me, but
sometimes I think I've skipped over the pruning part, or touched the topic
lightly at best. Anyway, back to that night, during ministry time I found
myself overcome by the overwhelming love of God, undone by His presence, and
captivated by His choice to speak to my heart...it felt as if a lightning bolt
of love shot into my heart and I fell to the ground...I could not tell you how
long this lasted, for in that moment, time was insignificant all that mattered
was God and what He had to reveal. I very clearly saw shadows of things to
come, dreams I had laid down on the altar that I had thought not for now, and I
very clearly heard the Lord say to my heart, "These are real, and they are
for you."
It is
pretty amazing when the Lord speaks to our hearts and reveals promises that He
intends to keep, and the hopes He has that we can and will (in Him of course)
accomplish them. It is also humbling to know that He cares about those details
and desires of our hearts. In these moments though, the excitement of
possibility is more real than the thought of the cost for such fulfillment.
Honestly who really likes to see the price tag when they see their favorite
pair of shoes in the window? Surely I don’t, but obviously there is a price to
be paid. It’s the same with our God, not that He doesn’t freely give generously
good things, BUT He wants us to be able to handle that which He gives. If He
threw me immediately into those things, at THAT moment in my life, I may have
been utterly ruined, for it is in time, testing, and patient growth that He
teaches us how to live in our potential as mature followers...I would like to
say at that moment I said, “YES, I’M READY!!”...but He is such a good Father
who cares for His children intently and knows us better than we know
ourselves...and He knows where our heart, character, and life need development
to handle that which He will entrust..
As I
was in that place of total wreckage (tears, snot, pure bliss) I saw multiple
dreams (even ones I didn’t think would ever be picked up again), and I knew He
was saying, "It's not one or the other, but you can have it all and
more." Then I began to see other shadows faces, ministries, opportunities
and I heard, "Cuts are coming." This is the moment when, if it had
not been a holy moment, I may have yelled, “NOOOO!!” Yet I knew I was being
given a choice. I was at a precipice and at a place of invitation: In order for
the dreams to come to fulfillment “cuts” must be allowed: Pruning. My life as I
knew it was going to be put on the chopping block. In the moment, I was not
given full understanding or revelation of what that would truly look like, but
God, the creator of all things, was inviting me, not forcing me to come to a
new place in Him, and further progress on our journey. It was an invitation to
a deeper place of learning to trust Him, with every part of me, my life, my
heart. It was an invitation to another degree of obedience. In that moment, I
could not help, and still today I must, cry “YES!!” I don't care what the cost
is; I want the ultimate prize...beyond any dream, any hope, this invitation is
for more of Him...
So
what does pruning look like if I'm still walking daily with all my limbs in
tact? I'm sure you've at one point seen a pruned rose bush, or hedge...most of
the time it looks sad and pitiful. The beauty of the growth is gone, the plant
has lost its ability to boast in its beauty, all the roses and buds are gone
and one may even question if it will ever get its beauty back...I am not a rose
bush, but pruning has looked like this: it has implied a loss of sorts, favor
where it once was is virtually non-existent, opportunities have gone, and the
ability I have to boast in myself or what I can do is not even plausible. I
know I don't really like looking at pruned rosebushes, and most of the time
they go unnoticed, which is also what happens with us...though we are not
invisible, it often feels that way. Pruning by the Lord's hand often comes with
Him asking questions requiring decisions to let go of more control. No boxes.
No agendas. "Will you let go of the comforts of safe? Will you let me take
you where you've never gone? Where your identity is not based on what you do,
what ministry you're involved with, or even how you can effectively use your
talents?" It's easy in the moment to say Yes--To not think about what it
will look like during the "process" and after the decision has been
made, to see that what He actually meant was to strip this plant bear to the
bark, no leaves, no green, almost a twig...that's it...where I can no longer
glory in my accomplishments, where the fruit of last season is gone, not even a
trace of fruit on the ground for that has been scooped up even. It seems that
even the closest friends and confidantes vanish...because He is tending
to the branch, it is a personal and intimate affair and only one that can
happen with the vinedresser and his vine; and He is that serious
about branches bearing good fruit. It isn't a place of shame, or embarrassment
but in the nakedness of being pruned, it leads to a place of utter dependence.
Where comfort and strength only then come by pressing in and waiting patiently,
simply standing, where not even a wrestle is possible because a branch cannot
grow back within itself. The process of growth is completely in the hands of
the Creator of ALL things. Jesus continues in John 15:4, "Abide in me
and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in
the vine, neither can you unless you abide in me."
The
image above of a person with outstretched arms reminds me of what it looks like
to abide. She is in a place of yielded surrender...like a branch that has been
pruned, she cannot sustain her arm hold without the help of those around her.
It is like that with Jesus, particularly in pruning seasons, there is an
awareness of our own weakness and recognition that without Him, we are unable
to produce anything, let alone lasting fruit. This image, I once saw
demonstrated in a sermon juxtaposed with the image of a violent wrestling
motion, has been etched in my mind and has been a reminder to me that the best
and easiest way to overcome in pruning seasons, waiting times, and seemingly
"action" free days is to put my arms up in surrender and yield.
Wrestling in this moment will be painful at best and will not force a piece of
fruit to pop forth. The pruning season, hopefully, is a propellant into a place
of utter dependence on Him, where strength comes from leaning in, and
confidence arises when it is clear, He is Who He says He is, faithful,
sovereign, and exceedingly ABLE to do all that He has said. I do not have to
strive to produce in the pruning times, but if I remain, abide, be still,
entangle myself to the strength which comes from leaning into Jesus, then in
due time...growth will come.
While
I cannot make things happen, I trust the timing of the Lord, He has never
missed a beat, and His seasons always continue as He has written from before
the foundations of the earth! He doesn’t prune His branches because He wants us
to look empty, ugly, awkward...He is not into humiliating His kids, but He
prunes us to produce in us a life and fruit far greater than we could ever
fathom with fruit that will remain until the end of time and throughout
eternity...
Wherever
you are in this journey, whatever your season, I pray you find the delight of
the Lord upon your heart and that your joy would be full,
With much Love,
Desiree
Life Formed in the Pruning
Like Those Who Dream
We are a dream of God. Jacob had a
dream and made an oath with God. Joseph dreamed and a nation was saved. I
believe God is restoring dreams to the hearts of His people, because when we
dream with Him, we carry His power to actually release others into their
dreams!
The Bigness of God
He is the One who spoke a word and life began. He is the Creator of everything who holds us
He is the One who spoke a word and life began. He is the Creator of everything who holds us together, is God the sovereign, perfect and holy, is our Heavenly Father…
He is the One who spoke a word and life began. He is the Creator of everything who holds us together, is God the sovereign, perfect and holy, is our Heavenly Father…
The Trust Covenant
What does it look like to live a
life of TRUST…It’s an “Us” issue and with Him, 100% Trust is possible!!
Blooming Soon
Puerto Rico
28th June-8th July
I will be traveling with family to discover history,
heritage, and hopefully hone my Spanish language skills.
Pemba, Mozambique
11th July-8th August
I am heading to my other home to worship, visit wonderful
family, and rekindle Makua and Portuguese dialects
